43: Details, Readers, and Attitude

I've been thinking a lot about details. I'm reading Natalie Goldberg's Writing Down the Bones, and I love the simplicity in her "formula" for being true to oneself as a writer: Just be real and tell your stories in detail. Sounds a lot like the way I've written for years, but it's nice hearing a best-selling author validate what I've been doing. Maybe one day I'll sell a book, too.

A very sweet young lady walked up to me at an event last night and, with a sheepish expression stated, "Hey, I read your blog." She grinned and blushed as though it was some sort of confession. I could have smooched her on the cheek right then and there. I'm pretty sure she doesn't realize what music that is to a writer's ears, especially one who sometimes wonders why she even bothers to put into print the craziness going on in her heart and mind. The ironic thing is that she is at least the third person in the past month to say that to me. In the few words it takes to let me know someone reads my writing, the reason I write is handed back to me with a bow on top. It's why I blog, why I write a column, and why I will one day write a book. Maybe several.

I wore my favorite capris this morning to church. They are 10's, but for some reason are smaller than some of my 8's that I could already wear. It was fun wearing them again.

One thing I'm realizing more and more each day is the huge impact it has on me just having a different outlook on my own image, on my own appearance to myself and others. It's almost startling how different I feel about how others perceive me. It isn't like I've dropped 50 lbs. but I've probably dropped 10 or 15, but I find myself feeling and acting like I've dropped 50, and just with that attitude I feel like a million bucks. It will be fun to see how it feels when I actually get down that far.

Last night and this morning as people were exclaiming over my new, shorter hairstyle, I heard comments about how the different style makes me look younger. What I resisted the urge to tell them was that weight loss also takes years off my life, but until they start noticing that part themselves I don't want to bring it up. It's always nicer when other people notice and mention it. I think that goes back to my dad telling me when I was little not to fish for compliments. My whole life I've been afraid of saying something that would sound like I was fishing for someone to say something nice about me. As a result I wind up completely missing compliments when they happen because if I even acknowledge them at all, I tend to explain them away (even if just inwardly). Maybe that will get better later on.