Day 25

A good friend and I were talking yesterday about body image, and it struck me how far-reaching and destructive other people's comments can be. Do people really listen when they talk? Do they not realize that a silly comment like, "Wow, I didn't know you wore THAT size..." can stick with a girl and speak defeat and ugliness into her heart and mind for years after the commenter has forgotten what she said? And the crazy thing is, the insult doesn't even have to be based in truth! Truth be known, most comments like that are usually based more on jealousy and/or envy than on actual truth, but to the hearer, they can grow barbs that stubbornly hold fast well into the future. It blows my mind the things people speak into the lives of others with so little care and concern for the long-term effects.

The reading I've been doing for the past couple of days has been regarding the things we hold over our own heads, unable to forgive ourselves or accept God's forgiveness. I know there are things deep within the recesses of my childhood memories that I still blame on myself, particularly something that happened to me on a date at age 15 that I should have tried to stop long before I did try and it was too late. I know God doesn't hold that over me, but for 32 years I've held it over myself, if only in subtle ways beneath the surface. It's no wonder why I've had such trouble believing I deserve to be the size God created me to be.

One last observation for today. I've been noticing that ads or photos or hearing about certain really yummy foods sometimes comes close to derailing me. Most of the time I do just fine only eating when I'm truly hungry. Once in a while, though, I can see a picture or hear a commercial, or even just see a recipe for something and it makes me want it. Like now, for instance. I just saw a photo of a chocolate cupcake, so I'm craving homemade chocolate butter cream frosting. So what I've been doing is making little notes of those things that pop out of nowhere and tempt my taste buds, to store the information for later when I AM hungry. Most of the time, these things are too much trouble to make to be worth the effort. Maybe I'll make some frosted brownies or something and cut them into small pieces and refrigerate them so they'll last. I'm sure my family won't complain about me making them, and I'll get to enjoy one when I'm really hungry.