Day Three, and All is Well

I'm noting some interesting things, just three days (back) in.

I feel more energetic.
I realize some of this could be in my head, but my thought is, so what if it is? If I feel more energetic, that's the important thing, right?

I feel better about myself in general.
Oddly when I look in the mirror now, I don't automatically quickly turn away repulsed by what I see. Apparently there was more than just a pudgy face looking back at me; The person looking back at me wasn't facing her grief and was letting her body pay the price for it. The woman looking back at me now is taking measures to improve health, to extend her life, to live in the abundance God intended for her from the beginning. Maybe at some point I will actually arrive at believing I deserve good things! Hey, it could happen. I feel better about myself simply knowing that I can look my daughter in the eye and be happy about the measures I am intentionally taking to make sure that not only am I around for as much of her life as possible, but I'm also living a good example for her to follow throughout her life.

I feel more in tune with my body's needs and signals.
I have always been pretty acutely aware of my body, but for most of my life it has been in a very negative way: too much fat, too short, not strong enough, leftover baby belly, stubby little feet, etc. Since we lost our health insurance I have noticed that I am intentionally less intuitive about my body and any possible issues with my health because a. I'm scared to find out something is wrong and don't want to die young like both of my parents did, b. To pay attention to what is going on with my body is to acknowledge the 40 lbs. I've gained since Mama died, and I didn't want to think of either one, and c. There was nothing I could do about a health issue anyway without insurance or money to afford health care. BUT...for the past few days I have felt freer to think about my body and my health because I feel like I am actually taking positive measures to make things better.

I feel more attuned to God's voice.
Over the past few years, when I would see food, it might have just gotten popped into my mouth because 1. it was there, 2. other people were eating, 3. it looked good, or 4. it was "time" to eat. Not so much now. When I think of food, I think of God, and it's almost involuntary now that I simply ask Him if I'm hungry. I can almost hear Him telling me to check for signals. No growl, no hungry feeling in my tummy, then no, not hungry. Either of those things present? Have at it! I also intuitively eat three or four bites at the most at one time, which satisfies the hunger but leaves me feeling comfortable and not overfull. I'm finding that generally speaking, hunger happens every couple of hours for me. Having God right there all the time answering my heart's questions naturally makes me feel close to Him all the time. Not that I didn't already walk pretty close to Him, but now I feel like I've truly given this area of my life to Him. It's rather freeing.

Food tastes have become more acute.
Maybe I just didn't pay too close attention to how food tasted before. Or maybe if I acknowledged how good it tasted, that thought was quickly tackled by the guilt of my disordered eating, effectually robbing me of any enjoyment of food, ever. Now, because I am paying attention to hunger signs and only eating tiny portions of exactly what my body is craving, I am finding that food tastes much better and satisfies in a way that it didn't before.

Eating "whatever I want" produces interesting results with intuitive eating.
Instead of craving junk, I am craving soup, fruit, chicken, and veggies. This should not surprise me at all, since the same thing happened 10 years ago when I first read and started following the Thin Within principles. Duh.

I am making an effort to make sure I have small portions of appealing food readily available, knowing that my lack of focus ON food has me also naturally not being interested in it (which means if I feel hungry and there's nothing nearby, I'm very likely to just skip it until later). Responding to hunger signals keeps the metabolism rolling at optimum, which is the best plan for digestion and body function.

I went to the store this morning and bought crackers, granola bars, apple sauce, soup, and fruit to have available to eat. I also picked up some Gatorade to have something healthy to drink and to make sure my potassium stays at a good level.

Today's combined eating (if I can remember):

• 1 banana
• About the equivalent of one tomato, in Caesar dressing with onions, peppers, mushrooms, and Feta cheese
• About 3oz. grilled chicken breast
• About 7 or 8 green beans
• About 1/2 cup of fried potatoes
• 4 pepperoni/cheddar cheese crackers
• A handful of honey nut Cheerios

It appears my eating balanced back out a little bit today, as opposed to yesterday. I think the first two days my body was really taking a break from food (probably recoiling from the past few years of disordered eating).

I talked to Rosie a little bit about what I began on 10/10/10. I'm looking forward to sharing this journey with my best girlfriend.

Oh! I talked to my friend Lisa (we've been friends since middle school) today and I think she is going to do the TW journey with me! I'm really happy about that.